Response to a Comment on the "Rape Article" post

I was looking over my comments that i have recieved in the past week and came across this one. It was in reference to the article about the judge in Nebraska banning words like "rape","assualt" and "asslient" in a rape case. Here is the comment :



" AwkwardMorning said...
Do you know what the facts from the case even were? Or did you just hear that the words were banned. Your comments infuriate me. So just because she woke up next to the man means that she was raped. When she said stop did he not stop. It was here fault for making such bad decisions. She should have known her limits. Or not have left with the man. The witnesses did not say she left unwillingly. She should not have left with the man in the first place. He might have been dunk out of his mind as well. She could have suggested the sex and not him. But she cannot remember.

What is his story? Here is a reasonable story.Well this girl really came on to me. She suggested we go back to her house and get it on. She was crazy for me. Then she rolled over and saw her boyfriend’s picture who is away in Iraq fighting for the US. She then became sick and asked me to stop and to leave so I left. I guess that hoe feels bad for herself and just wants to file rape charges to get me in trouble so she has something to tell her boy when he gets home. I didn’t know she even had a boyfriend until she showed me the picture. I felt ashamed for her and myself. I hope that hoe gets dumped for cheating.There you see how the story changes from rape to a lonely women looking to have sex. She could have easily raped him. It was her word against his. When she said stop he stopped and that’s that.Thus should not be rape. Unless there was more to the story like if he slipped her a pill which he did not. She went willingly and just stated she couldn’t remember to save her the embarrassment. She should have not put herself in the situation in the first place and that’s the truth.
October 23, 2008 11:34 PM"



Now i would just like to say a few things in response:



1) Did you read the article? Because I did and not all details were enclosed since the case is still ongoing. While you state that if he stopped when she said stop it isnt rape, well she didnt have a chance to say stop from the begining. Also you do not know for a fact that he didnt slip her a pill, or something else in her drink. It is a real danger for woman whether they are out alone or in groups.



2) I feel that your comments about knowing her limits and not leaving with the man are insensitive and unnecissary. While i agree she should watch her intake of Alcohol that doesnt give a man the right to do what she claims he did. Just because she is vunerable doesnt mean he should pray on her. I aslo would like to comment on you calling her a "hoe". That is degrading to any woman and inappropriate for this kind of converstation. Think if this woman was your sister, mother or friend. How would you feel then? Would she still be a "hoe"?



3) While i agree with you that the story could have happend differently then she is saying, however we dont have all the facts, just the ones released. And while i can see you want to maintain his innocence, 2 other women, in no relation to this woman, have come foward to say that the same things happend to them. So i would say the common denomenator is...him.



And 4) while using this article and expressing my opinions i did not say that he was guitly, that she wasnt involved. I simply stated that i disagree with words being banned because the judge thinks they will bias the jury. It doesnt give her an accurate way to portray how she felt in the situation.



While i dont mean this to be angry i was really upset and hurt by this comment. while women are already considered a lower class then men, now we can openly call women we dont know, in a situation we dont know about, a hoe? And on top of that, in a women studies class? Isnt that what we are working against? I feel really strongly about this issue, having known people who have been raped and had to go through an experiance like this. It is a he said/ she said type of deal. And the evidence will bring a conclusion. I would just ask that we be a little more sensitive and understanding then jumping the gun and making statements like these.

Is TV a good Babysitter?

Violence in children shows is increasing greatly. Many people voice a negative opinion on this saying that the violence portrayed in these shows is making its way to the play ground. Shows like "Power Rangers" and "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" show fighting styles that include karate and other martial arts. The boys and girls sometimes are acting out these episodes on the playground. I know that when i was younger i watched these shows and even had life size Ninja turtles on my wall. While i understand that teachers blame these shows i truley believe that a large part of this problem is due to parents. Parents prefer to have the television babysit kids when they get home then to sit down and play a game, or read a book. Now while im not blaming the parents entirely i know that they work long hours, but there still needs to be interactive time away from the tv. My niece is 3 and she only gets to watch certain shows and certain amounts of time with the tv. She watches mostly disney and nickelodeon but even these stations are getting to be not suitable for children of her age. Then you have the cartoon network which plays all these shows and a show called "Biker Mice From Mars". Which isnt an all bad show. While there is fighting they are not human characters, which helps seperate reality from fantasy. As well as little fighting the mice are shown using computers and doing other intellectual things.



In the world we live in today, TVs are babysitters, Television for adults and kids is getting more violent, and even look at the news. You cant turn it on without seeing something about the war, a killing or kidnapping. Parents have been slacking with keeping tabs on thier children and i feel that we need to get back to an america where we care what kids see and dont just see them as consumers.

Judge says no to words "rape", "victim" or "assault"

I read an article in "People" and on the internet this past week about a Nebraska Judge, Jeffre Cheuvront, banned the words "rape", "victim" "assalient" or "assualt" from being used in this case. The case is about a woman who states that she woke up to a man she didnt know on top of her. The prosecution has been banned from using these words in the case because the judge says that it will bias the jury. When the prosecution asked to ban words like "sex" and "intercourse" the judge declined saying that there would be no more words to describe what happend that night. In his first trial, Pamir Safi, had a hung jury, 7-5. There are 2 other women who say that the same thing happend to them.

Now for a second lets just imagine that the Judge wasnt a bias jerk, what message is he sending to the victim? That even though there has been a rape kit, a charge and a previous trial this man is potentially going to get off. Why cant these words be used? How else would you describe a sexual act that was unwanted? Does he not see that by having to refer to this act as sex and not rape you are only taking away from the seriousness of this accusation. He says it was consensual, as it was the night before. However i dont believe that when she woke up, she had consented before going to bed. The message that this sends to women who have been raped in Nebraska, dont even bother going to trial because you cant give an actual account of the event. You are denying th emotions and feelings that the victim had during the time of the assault.

I hope that this doesnt become a trend, barring words from trials to describe an inncident. I hope that this women asks for a different judge or even a different district so that she can get a fair child. I think it is just appalling that the Judge is banning these words, almost taking out all the emotion of the case, all the volguar language to describe this volguar attack.

Handicap people on TV

I was watching "Army Wives" tonight and saw quite a few things that were interesting. First and foremost is that they were showing disable Army soliders. There was a character that had returned who has lost both his legs. He came back in a wheelchair with artificial legs from the knees down. They are giving him a love story which i think is wonderful because it isnt done much in television. At the end of the episode he is giving a motivational speech to other harmed soldiers, some lost arms, legs or both. While they havent dealt with mental handicap on the show as a story line they have dealt with things like addiction, stalkers and death. I think it is very promising that handicap people are gaining more air time, even if it is a cable channel. The second thing that i found interesting is that the husband of an officer is quiting his job to become a stay at home dad. I think this is wonderful and in keeping with the way men on women's television are portrayed. Sensitive, helpful and caring. Both of these aspects are great and very encouraging to see in newer shows that are forming.

How many other tv shows have regular handicap people? The first one that i can recall besides "Army Wives" is "Family Guy". Joe on "Family Guy" is in a wheelchair. He not only is a soon to be father but also a police officer. He plays soft ball, hangs out with the guys and is considered a hero at his job. While all these things are positive, there are a few negative aspects that the show brings. They sometimes make Joe tell jokes about not being able to move, dump him out of his chair, let him get his legs back but then get taken away just as soon. They also have the other guys on the show make jokes about how he cant do certain things. So while sending a positive message being a police officer, they also send a negative one in the jokes that they write.

Handicap people are all around us. Malls, grocery stores and resturants, just taking part in everyday life. I know with having a handicap parent transportation and getting around certain places can be hard. You dont even realize things like this, until you have to do through it. If we all look to lend a helping hand to handicap people we could make a difference. Hold open a door, help carry a bag or simply say hello, it could make a person's day.

Learning to pick up women

So i happend to be watching VH1 this weekend and came across a promo for a show called "The Pick Up Artist 2". Intrigued i decided to watch it. Was i appaulled. First off the show starts with one guy called, Mystery, who is the "host". Then a "wing" man, Matador and "wing" woman, Tara. They take 8 guys and try to teach them how to approach women. Now the premise off the show sounds like they are helping men find women to date. However as you watch the show the host is rude, abrasive and aggresive with women in a bar. They say things like "you arnt cool enough to hang out with us, but we will look past it" and just coming up and giving strange women hugs and kisses on the fordheads before introducing themsleves. Now i dont know about you but rude lines dont work for me, dont invade my personal space and dont think that just because your cocky im interested. They end up making out with some of the girls and giving out the phone numbers, which in all reality this doesnt make us look well really, but hey they are probably drunk. When they come out of the bar they speak to the 8 men that have been watching on hidden cameras. The two hosts tell the men that they will help them achieve this "art" of picking up girls.



Now im all for entertaining reality shows, but this one just rubbed me the wrong way. But on a different channel, WE channel, i was watching Bridezillas. And wow, way to make women look bad. They throw temper tantrums, yell at thier family and friends, and pout till they get thier way. And while this is a program for women, on a womens channel it seems that it is shedding a negative light on women. Not every bride acts like that and yes i understand that its a few but how about we show the men like that every once in a while. Also as i watched the commericals they were for diet food, baby toys and detergents. you would think that they would be promos for their other shows, but not really. It was mostly consumer goods. I guess that i am just noticing more and more that women television is really gendered and not always in a good sense. And on top of that all the couples are heterosexual. They have not once had a gay or lesbian couple, and im sure that bridezilla isnt just a term for heterosexual women.



Now i know it sounds like im being a little negative and i am. But it just rubbed me the wrong way and seems like i keep seeing it happen more consistantly lately, or maybe im just more aware of it. Let me know what you think.

All My Children

I am an advocate of soap operas. I believe that they are purley for entertainment and that sometimes they are analyzed correctly and other times incorrectly. Like the reading we did today.

It was about how a rapist on "One Life To Live" was brought back as redeeming. Now i agree with all the outrage about how he was horrible and did nasty things. How could someone who raped a woman then tried to do it again twice be redeemed. However the interesting thing isnt how they brought him back into the "good" side of soaps, it is that right now in the show they are dating. The story leaves off with Todd, who raped Marty some 10years ago. She now has amnesia and Todd is taking care of her in a cabin. They are falling in love and Todd is planning to purpose. Now if this isnt the same storyline as Luke/Laura on "General Hospital" i dont know what is. Now the fact that they are making a former rape victim fall inlove with her rapist is disgusting but everyone seems to be on board. while this rarley happens in real life, i can see what kind of message it can send. That mens violence is really a sign of love. I disagree whole heartedly, that when a man hurts you, you should move on. However people need to realize that these people are doing this of free will, that people in a writing room are doing this. And it was brought to my attention that there are now 6 male writers to 3 female writers on OLTL.

The next point i found intersting is that the actor who orignially portrayed Todd during the rape story line, actually quit over the transision. He said that since his wife and he worked a rape crisis center, that having a rapist redeemed was against his belief. I commend him for this action.

Now while i agree that rape storylines are indeed portrayed correctly and analyzed to signifigance. Things i do not agree with is that women are not allowed to focus on careers and are to have a family life. In "All My Children", Kendall Hart is a career women, with two boys and a husband she seems connected with. While she co-owns a company, Fusion, with her best friend, everything else is going well. Also in AMC there is a women named Krystal who runs a bar, has a new baby and husband and is happy. She is also middle aged with a twenty something daughter. In "General Hopspital" there is a women named Carly who is independent, has a family and job. She was at one point dependent on men but they show her struggle with getting free. Now i know that this may not be typical on all soaps. but i feel that they have come along way. They have come along even since the most recent article, as they happen on a daily basis.

I will continue watching soaps for a long time, i started before my teens with my mom. I enjoy the storylines, although sometimes predictable. Its nice to dive into someone elses drama every once in a while.

Soap Operas

The reading that we did for tomorrows class was about Soap Operas and how they are always a "middle" and never a "conclusive" storyline. Now they say that they do these things to keep people intrigued, but then go on to say that it isnt an intriguing show. They say that women enjoy watching these showes because they show middle class women with power over men, whether they are using sexuality, black mail etc. Then they say that the men are still powerful and are seen in business type jobs while the women who have careers only use their offices as places to gossip or work on relationships. There are arguements that soaps are both positive and negative.
I chose to show the positive side of the shows. They allow an escape for the everyday women. Someone who is passing time and looking for some simple minded entertainment. I think its great that they show women as CEOs and Presidents of companies. I think that it is a postive image, especially when on All My Children they have two women co-found a cosmetic company. Years later it is still successful and the women still close. The women who uses her sexuality to get what they want show a side of women that some of us wish we could be.
While i can see how someone who doesnt watch them on a daily basis can see them as negative i truly enjoy them. They are a escape from everyday life and somewhere that you can get to know the characters. They are around 24/7 and 365 days a year. They are people that you begin to understand and care about. They are also a bonding experiance for women and some men. Me and my mom watch two of them weekly and only watch together, my college roommate and i watched them and became involved in something we could do together. I just believe that soap operas are interesting and harmless really. People are reading to much into the storylines and narratives, its just a show.